ULTIMATE WARRIOR Protection Services

[Villa]

*originally advertised on EK forums, but due to poor sales, readvertising here in hope of better sales*


Hail citizen !
Are you tired of trying to hunt at spawns camped by rude people with lots of pets ?
Fedup of those silly Paladins divine furying and consecrating weaponing everything in sight at your regular hunting spot ?
Exasperated by those arrogant youngsters with their foul language insulting you endlessly ?
Need somewhere secluded to hunt in peace ?

Then you need to come to Sunny Felucca, with it's beautiful leafless trees offering you an unparalled view of the gravestone lined countryside.
Smile happily as that enchantingly eery music plays from your speakers. Grin pleasently as you see the vast abundence of untouched monsters to slay.
Get a warm feeling in parts you didn't know you had parts when you notice the complete lack of other people competing for the spawn.

But wait... isn't this the facet where evil player killers roam around in huge packs, destroying homes and eating babies ?
Surely this is the land where scammer and griefers make your items lose their insurance ?
However will you survive for more than ten seconds in the very place that is home to the foulest of murderers who commit the darkest of deeds upon unsuspecting visitors ?

FEAR NOT TRAVELLER !
What you need is protection from the world famous ULTIMATE WARRIOR.
Yes that's right ! that giant amongst giants; an icon of our times; a true hero in a sea of anarchy.

For a very small negotiable fee, ULTIMATE WARRIOR himself no less will escort you on your hunting trips into the dark facet of Felucca.
He will assist you with dealing with any unwanted company. Marvel as mighty mages run away screaming with fear; behold with wonder as titanic blows rain down upon any marauding player killers. Jump with glee as ULTIMATE WARRIOR kicks seven types of crap out of any self important tamer (And provides a gratuitous coup de grace to any pets hanging around).

So, what are you waiting for adventurer ? The vast untapped resources of Felucca await you.
Don't delay, contact ULTIMATE WARRIOR* this instance for a no obligation quote** You could be wiping that smile from the face of a Lich Lord within 24 hours, in perfect safety.















*ULTIMATE WARRIOR can be contacted via PM on this board; ICQ 107088901; or via any of his agents in I-C (P.S. PMs not accepted on EFC forums since they were destroyed by Calix the board wrecker)

**ULTIMATE WARRIOR protection services are NOT regulated by the Financial Services Agency. Optional Life Insurance is reccommended. Your home may be at risk if you do not keep up repayments to ULTIMATE WARRIOR. Your statutory rights are not affected. You are reccommended to seek advice from an independent advisor before signing any agreement. The value of your loot may go down as well as up.

[Villa]

Don't just take our word for it.
See the attached pictures and judge for youselves.

Wimpy mages dare not challenge ULTIMATE WARRIOR


ULTIMATE WARRIOR in action saving this customer from a dangerous raid by Orcs


Another satisfied customer


See how even the mightiest of murderers turn tail and reconsider their careers when confronted


This Dragon explains the Destard fiscal policy


When the challenge is too tough for our customers, ULTIMATE WARRIOR himself steps in to disrupt the spawn on behalf of customers


ULTIMATE WARRIOR has quite a fan club at most major locations


BLURGH the Arctic Ogre Lord greets his old friend ULTIMATE WARRIOR and thanks him for bringing new tourists to his dungeon


A couple of Ice Fiends being given instructions on how to behave around customers.


ULTIMATE WARRIOR Protection Services.

[Nixon]

Hahaha

[SkullWasp]

gotta admit mate, thats pretty damn funny.

[Weevil]

Yep that's the best post I've seen for ages and the best post on these boards by miles!

[El Cid]

that was a very nice posting !!!!


bring more

[neilbob]

did you get that garlic?

[Ukyo72]

rawfuls *Laughed Every moment while reading* That makes even a trammy laugh!

By the way; how much did you have to pay each of those supposed customers

J/K that shit was funny!

[Fizban]

My hero!!!

Do you wear pink zubaz as well or is that an added fee?

[Ode]

Better than ai protection!

[Phule]

I want to sign up for protection services. Some bloke named Fizban is always mucking up my monster killing. :'(

[Mr Dir Dir]

ZUBAZ!! ROFFLES!!!!

[Villa]

What is a zubaz ?

For the record, all joking aside, this is a serious offer - if anyone wants to be escorted/protected whilst hunting in Felucca, give me a shout.
I might not even charge.

[Mr Dir Dir]

http://www.badfads.com/pages/fashion/zubaz.html
The Legion of Doom wore them. They ran a company that distributed them. I thought the Warrior wore them as well.

[PapaJamaican]

The legion of Doom were my hero's!! But then again the ultimate warrior was my favorite!!